Xaviers!

After what could only have been a couple hours worth of sleep Tosh would find his shoulder being shaken by an obnoxiously persistent hand.

"Tosh, get up. We have some preparations to take care of."

"Just fi more mins..." he mumbled.

"Five more minutes might cost you your head." she says, grabbing what passes for a blanket here and pulling it away with the insistence and strength of a mechanical vice.

He sat up groggily, snapping awake upon remembering where he was.

"Shit. This is real."

"Very much so. I didn't have much time so all I could put together is reinforcements for your lower arms. I was going to do more, but I had another idea." she says, holding up what looks at first glance like a piece of ornamental metal but looking closer reveals the tiny camera worked into it. "No time to hook that to your nervous system, but it should fit on the back of your uniform's collar and transmit visual data on the earpiece's radio-band. I assumed they would put you through some kind of combat trial and that way I can keep an eye on your back. Quite literally." she says, tapping the damaged and bandaged side of her skull.

"Thanks," he smiled nervously, "That'll help a lot."

"Hopefully. Sorry for having to kick you out of bed so rudely, but I figured I should get here before they decide it's time. A couple more hours, maybe a full day and I could have tried to rig together some kind of movement assist and slave it to an expert system running on the visual data, but you'll have to make do with me calling out things in your back."

"There will be no slavery today," Finn McCool said, as he rudely interrupted them, flanked by armed warriors.

"No, that's not... worth explaining... " he said, trailing off.

"You weren't kidding about dawn," he chuckled nervously. "Any chance I get to eat something first?"

"If you wish," Finn nodded. "Eat your fill."

Dude has no idea.
He really doesn't.

"Thank you. I'll try to make it quick."

"Be sure you do. You must complete the trials by sundown."

"And these trials... what will I be facing?"

"The might and power of the Fianna."

"So... combat?"

Yep. This'll go well.

"Among other things.

You'd best hurry."

After a quick meal...

"Alright. Let's do this."

Tosh was marched at spearpoint out to an open plain, where there appeared to be a hole in the ground.

One man handed him a shield; another, a short hazel stick.

"You must now enter this waist-high pit," Finn said. "Breath deeply, and let your sight become a circle. Nine of our warriors will surround you. No spear must touch you, no pole graze your cheek or lift your hair. This is the first test of the Fianna."

What does this have to do with trust?!

He actually knew how to hold a shield! Thank God for being able to nerd out in the holodeck Danger Room. And, you know, Ashlie helping him cheat. He nodded and got in the hole.

Ashlie gives him a reassuring nod from a distance away.

The nine warriors each took ten long strides back.

"Are you prepared? You know what you must do?"

"Block and dodge. Don't let anything touch me. Got it."

He took a deep breath and did his best to clear his thoughts, or at least not think so damn much.

With a roar, the nine men charged at him, slightly staggering their starts so they wouldn't all arrive at the same time!

Ashlie keeps both her eyes on the situation, using the different viewpoints to triangulate positional data and crude extrapolations to determine which one to warn Tosh about.

"Back left." she quickly sends through his earpiece.

Tosh dodged right, twirling to avoid the second spear. He would continue to dodge like this, clumsily deflecting with the shield when need be. He looked more lucky than skilled.

They kept at it, trying to attack from multiple sides at the same time--though Tosh would get the distinct sensation that they were more trying to test his reflexes rather than actually skewer him.

With Ashlie's guidance he pulled off a rather impressive twisting dodge-block.

This is awesome!
No it isn't!

They stepped up their attacks, this time, with four or five thrusting simultaneously.

He managed to deflect two with the shield, one with the stick, and dodge the last by mere centimeters.

Holy shit that almost stabbed me in the eye!

This went on for a little longer, but the combination of Tosh's skills and Ashlie's assistance kept him mostly unmussed.

"Enough!" Finn shouted after a while of this. "We will move on to the next phase."

Tosh doubled over to catch his breath.

"Just... a minute... gotta... notpassout..."

"You must prepare for the second trial immediately," Finn said, looking down at him.

"Which... is?"

"We shall braid your hair, and then you shall run through the forest, with a head start of no more than a tree trunk. A group of warriors will chase you. You must avoid capture without so much as a single braid on your head being unraveled."

"Uhhh... tiny problem. You can see that I don't... err... have enough hair to braid."

"I've been meaning to ask you about that. An odd style.

Never you mind. We will come up with an appropriate substitute."

"I'm sure you will," he nodded, getting out of the hole.

Tosh would probably not be thrilled with their solution--a tangled mess of twine and vines which he would have to support on his head, 'cause if they fell off, that would count as a failure as well. Curse the 21st century's lack of long hair on men!

"There. I suppose this is the best we can do for now. Are you prepared to meet your fate?"

This is, like, the weirdest slumber party.

"As prepared as I can be," he answered.

Running. It had to be running. I hate running.

"Good luck!" Ashlie shouts after him. She'd expected more combat, but so far the camera seems to have been a good choice.