That Version Of Me

[Samantha McManus]

"When Tereza burns, she burns hot, and then she goes cold. I'm only starting to understand her view of what the pack is, but it's clear she wants you in it. You're family to her."

[Will Stanton]

"'Pack'. Yet another role I don't understand," Will sighed, slumping over and sitting on Sam's bed.

"Things are too fucking complicated. Hollydale was simple."

[Samantha McManus]

"It's my life, Will. My life right now is two girlfriends, a fae counselor, an iron age Gaelic witch I apparently used to date, and someone who claims to be my son."

"And a friend who's far less flexible than he likes to think he is."

[Will Stanton]

"I'm sorry. What would you have me do?"

[Samantha McManus]

"The point is, my life's bloody complicated."

"So the question is, do you want to be in it?"

[Will Stanton]

"Do you want me in it?

And if so...as what?"

[Samantha McManus]

"I'd rather heal you than cast you away, but I don't want to be your burden, Will."

[Will Stanton]

"I'm not sure I understand. You're worried I'll..." he trailed off, gesturing. "I'm not sure what you mean by burden, here."

[Samantha McManus]

"You just spent the last several minutes saying this is all overwhelming and you don't know where you stand or how to act around me."

[Will Stanton]

"That's not you being a burden, that's me being unable to handle things. The blame goes on me, not you," he said, sticking his hands up. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...

I didn't mean to say you were at fault. I've been trying not to be a burden on you."

[Samantha McManus]

"But the fact remains, all of that is things I couldn't cast away if I tried. My life is always going to be messy."

[Will Stanton]

"I've been spending the last three weeks trying (and failing) to get people to use me as a mop. I don't care about messy.

I just need to know what you want from me.

You keep saying 'friend'. I can be friendly, no matter what, but...

...is that just, like, a fourth when the three of you go bowling? A neighbor you hang out with every other Friday?

Or do you need someone to serve you? Should I answer to Gemmalara, darn your socks, cook your dinner, clean your room?

Or is there room in your bed for one more, even if they're not sure how to share?

Or does your room need some added decor -- a poster, a scented candle, a laundry basket, that can occasionally come out and be someone to hang out with? Or a motorcycle of your own, to rival Tereza's hog? A tattoo on your girlfriend's arse? A diary you can tell secrets to when you're struggling with the mess of your life?

Or do you march down to ASHLIE's office and buy me from her? A friend in deed is a friend indeed?

A hunting partner to run in the woods? A hunting target to run after?


Maybe you're right, and maybe I'm not as flexible as I can be. I just...I need to know what you want from me, Sam, or it's going to be Hollydale all over again. I need some kind of...definition. And maybe that's not even entirely your decision, or maybe it is. The only thing I can't be for you is your Champion anymore; I can't be trusted with that after what I did. And if there is no...if there is no punishment for my actions, and no chance to redeem myself, so be it."

[Samantha McManus]

"Are you that afraid of choosing for yourself, Will? You can be anything, but you want me to give you boundaries?"

"That almost seems a sin."

[Will Stanton]

"Which? Pride for you, or sloth for me?"

[Samantha McManus]

"Chaining the unchainable would be taking something away from the world."

[Will Stanton]

"The last time I got to pick, I tried to keep you in Hollydale. If you want, we can take a trip up to Muir; I'm sure Conduit would be more than happy to start that up again," Will deadpanned.

[Gemmalara]

"If I might..."

[Samantha McManus]

"Absolutely. You're the one who talked to him before you brought him here."

[Gemmalara]

"You assume definitions means chains. I don't think he's asking for that. He's asking for definition. Of your relationship first and foremost whether lover, friend, or servant. You're presuming that means your chaining him, but definition is only a chain if you forge it as one."

[Will Stanton]

"Unless chains are your thing," Will interjected, "but being one thing forever would be...boring."

[Gemmalara]

"And, correct me if I'm wrong, Will, but I don't think he's looking for a complete and total definition at this moment. A statement of intent or interest would be sufficient."

[Will Stanton]

"Some...direction, I suppose. And if it doesn't work out, it can always be changed, but..."

[Samantha McManus]

"Well I'll put this out there."

"Time was, I almost thought I needed you to tell me how to live up to her."

"But I'm finding there's an awful lot of people who have a her they'd like to impress upon me."

[Will Stanton]

Will nodded. "I can understand that. A lot of...preconceived notions out there."

[Gemmalara]

"And in that regard, I stand by my advice to you from the other day."

[Will Stanton]

"What advice was that?"

[Gemmalara]

"That she should be the Morrigan she wants to be."

[Samantha McManus]

"And that maybe I'm not getting anywhere by trying to separate Sam and the Morrigan."

"And that's not fair to you if you need me to be clear with you."

[Will Stanton]

"But it's not fair for me to expect you to be something you ate not ready to be."

[Gemmalara]

"Life is not fair. Magic is not fair. Shall we continue listing the things are are not fair or shall we go about patching the problem at hand?" She looks at Sam, "Sam. I think we all agree you will never be the Morrigan he left behind. But, I believe, based on previous discussion, that you do want the Morrigan's mantle. Am I correct?"

[Samantha McManus]

"I can't not be the Morrigan. It always finds its way out."

[Will Stanton]

"I'm pretty sure the Morrigan can do whatever she wants, including not be the Morrigan," Will said, cracking the ghost of a smile. "Or is that one of those paradox things?"

[Gemmalara]

"There might be a way to renounce the mantle, but I don't think anyone's ever done so. At least no one that I've heard of." She looks at Will, "Fair to say that you want a Morrigan in your life in some capacity? We've agreed that having *your* Morrigan is unlikely, but you'd like a Morrigan in your life all the same?"

[Will Stanton]

"I don't know," Will said, honestly. "I don't mean that pessimistically; I mean that in a I can't foresee the future sort of way. The Morrigan covers such a wide range of possibilities -- everything from guardian and protector to death and doom. The latter isn't something I could willingly follow.

A good Morrigan would probably help give some of that...structure I've been lacking, I would presume. But I don't think it's necessarily necessary..."

[Samantha McManus]

"I'm not asking you to follow me to the bitter end. I'm just asking you to give me a chance."

[Will Stanton]

"Of course, Sam. If that's what you need, I can do that..."

[Gemmalara]

"And I said 'want' and 'would like'. We're not talking about necessity here. It's okay to want things and I'm sure Badb would agree."

[Will Stanton]

"You don't always get what you want, and it's not always...proper to express what you want.

See Miriam, and that me in detention."

[Samantha McManus]

"And right now you're afraid to want, aren't you?"

[Will Stanton]

"I don't like that wording," Will frowned. "Doesn't mean it isn't true.

Hollydale was a product of unrestrained want. And even if it doesn't go to Hollydale levels, wanting can lead to people leaving. And that's something I don't want."