[Social] Disgraced

[Nika Novak]

Nika has not been to her room in several days. At first being in the hospital was a convenient excuse but then she just kind of delayed it as much as possible. When she does return to the dorms after her conversation with Isolde, she makes only the briefest of stops in her room to don her uniform. Not the fancy one and she strips all rank insignias and symbols of valor off of it. She tucks her hat under her arm, gathers up her symbols of rank and steps out of her dorm and across the hall to Katarina's. One swift rap on the door with her knuckles and she stands at attention, stock-still, looking straight ahead into the middle-distance.

[Katarina Karkov]

After a moment, Katarina, still wearing her protective mask, opened the door. Visibly startled by who was on the other side, she didn't say anything at first.

[Nika Novak]

"Apologies, Your Highness." Nika says awkwardly. "<I... do not know what to do. I should be in jail for what I've done. You shouldn't even have to lay eyes on me but I... you're the highest authority I can surrender these to.>" she says and goes down on both knees and holds up her rank insignia, pins and emblems she took off her uniform to Katarina.

"<I have disgraced myself, my rank and my country.>" she adds, head bowed and staring intently at the floor.

[Katarina Karkov]

Katarina stood there silently for a moment, and then took Nika's various official bric-a-brac.

<"You are not in jail out of a sense of...I do not even know. But I ordered Lord Doom to bring you on his plane rather than leaving you in Symkaria.

Perhaps that was not a kindness. The Svozilovs and Tomans may not have demanded you rescind your ranks, if the Sablinovas had kept them appropriately in the loop. Whether or not you have disgraced your country rather depends on what country remains when the dust has cleared.">

[Nika Novak]

"<The last thing I want is to benefit from my betrayal. I never meant for any of this to happen. I only ever meant for the Prince to make you see the dangers of... the... path you chose.>" she stammers her way through an explanation, but once she starts she finds it hard to stop.

"<I thought it would make it easier for you to accept the inevitable of letting go of Jezabelle. Spare you worse heartache from having let an impossibility into your heart.>" her voice starts to crack and she's very glad Katarina can't see the tears welling up in her eyes. "<But it was selfish and wrong and you need but say the word and you will never have to see me again.>"

[Katarina Karkov]

<"And you appointed yourself arbiter of the possible. And in doing so, betrayed your oath to me and my family. You were that disgusted with the abomination I am that you turned to the arms of an enemy."> Katarina said, shaking slightly.

[Nika Novak]

"<N-no! Never! I couldn't ever be disgusted by you!>" she objects and rises to her feet before she even realizes she's doing so and when she looks at Katarina she freezes.

"<I... never.>" she manages. "<I just... I didn't... I thought you'd get hurt. That you would allow yourself to feel something you'd have to lose and that it would break your heart. Be-because...>" Nika trails off, her voice seizing to work right.

[Katarina Karkov]

<"Well, I was kidnapped, nearly murdered, and may no longer be in line to rule Symkaria if I do not listen to the demands of our greatest foe. You were right to think I would get hurt. Clearly, a shining example of the skill of our Royal Guard."> Katarina said, her voice more bitter than she intended.

<"Jezabelle is in more danger of being hurt by me than vice versa. She can live more free and clear than I ever can, and that road does not lead to happy endings, for there are no gay people in Symkaria. But that is, and always has been, my road to travel.">

[Nika Novak]

Nika flinches more at Katarina's words than she did at bullets or knives. If not for that pain she might not have found the strength to say the next part, quiet as it is.

"<I was scared that it might. Lead to a happy end. I was scared I'd lose you.>"

[Katarina Karkov]

<"So, out of fear of this unknown, your natural inclination was to sell me out,"> Katarina said, looking at Nika dubiously.

[Nika Novak]

"<I never wished to betray you, just steer you back towards how things had been. How I thought them to be. But I did and I will regret it forever. I don't deserve to even throw myself at your mercy, but I do not know what else to do.>"

[Katarina Karkov]

<"You will regret it forever. You."> Katarina repeated.

She reached back and slowly removed her mask, revealing her damaged face -- the bloodshot eye, caused by multiple orbital fractures; the entire side of her face caved in and scarred.

<"I wake up every morning and see this. When I am golden, it is almost...charming. A flaw and a defect, but one that establishes a sort of character. But when I am flesh and blood; when I am a person and not an object to be admired, it is a stark reminder of what can happen when my trust is misplaced. Every morning, I look into a mirror, and see this staring back at me.">

She looked Nika, dead in the face. <"I want you to look at me. I want you to remember what has happened.">

[Nika Novak]

Nika flinches but to her credit does not avert her eyes, as much as it pains her to see Katarina like this.

"<Oh my god, Katarina...>" she starts briefly lifting her hand as if she could somehow wipe the injury away. "<I am so sorry. I won't. This is my fault. I did this to you. Me...>" she says and Katarina can see what little remained of Nika's resolve crumble away. She'd felt responsible before, but now the true weight of her guilt is sinking in.

[Katarina Karkov]

Katarina stared at Nika for a long moment, letting the weight of everything sort of settle, before she reached back and re-strapped her mask.

<"My father would do this differently, but I am not him. With what authority I retain, I hereby absolve you, Nika Novak, of any and all penalties, consequences, or sentences related to the plot against the Karkovs. You are not prohibited from returning to Symkaria, and shall have no fear of being arrested if you do...at least, so long as the current regime remains in place. You are not prohibited from continuing your studies at the university. You are also freed from any and all obligations regarding your oath of loyalty, both to the Symkarian Military and to House Karkov; no more demands shall be placed on you from those promises.

In short, Nika, I grant you freedom. The freedom to move on from these mistakes in the manner you best see fit.">

[Nika Novak]

"<I don't deserve this amnesty. Thank you, Your Highness.>" she says, bowing her head and not looking back up. It's as much punishment as it is reprieve to have her duty rendered null and void and that hurts, deservedly so.

"<I would still lay down my life for Symkaria and House Karkov but I... understand I have lost that honor.>" she says, swallowing hard.

[Katarina Karkov]

<"You have lost that trust,"> Katarina corrected. <"You must understand, Nika. I never had to worry about my safety before, whenever you were around. That is gone; shattered beyond repair. You say you would lay down your life for me, yet you have gone behind my back, damaging me in ways that may never be repaired.">

Katarina paused.

<"You are still Symkarian. Your honor stays with you, always. And..."> she said, pausing again. <"And I do not know where we go from here. There is a part of me, a large, angry part, that would like nothing more than to send you into the hills and far away. But I have known you for...for years, Nika. I don't...">

She paused again, trying to maintain a sense of compsure.

<"I do not know where we go from here,"> she ended up repeating. <"I do not know what you want. I do not know what I want.">

[Nika Novak]

Nika simply nods.

"<Just know that no matter what I do or where I go, you need but call and I will answer.>"

[Katarina Karkov]

<"I would not wait by the phone,"> Katarina said, with a frown.

[Katarina Karkov]

Katarina sighed as Nika walked off, and went inside and shut the door. She sat on the bed, staring into the distance, and took some deep, shuddering breaths.

After a few minutes, she pulled out her phone, and started typing a text. Then she frowned, deleted part of it, and re-wrote it using the secret codes that Jezebelle had taught her.

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[Jezabelle Sherlock]

Jez's reply didn't take long.

And it wasn't much long after that there was a knock at Katarina's door.

[Katarina Karkov]

Katarina fumbled around for her mask, and then opened the door -- first a crack to see who it was, and then wider when, hey, it was Jez!

[Jezabelle Sherlock]

Jez held up a cloth grocery bag and her tablet in front of her, and was dressed in an oversized hoodie and some PJ pants - prime snuggling garb. "Heeeeeey. I broke out the emergency supplies. I figured I should wait until I know what you felt like on your pizza before I called it in."

[Katarina Karkov]

"Something green, so I can pretend I am being healthy. And then some meats, to counteract the green," Katarina nodded, detaching the (extra, definitely non-standard) chain to let Jez in.

[Jezabelle Sherlock]

"I think I can manage that." Given what Katarina had been through, and her status, Jez didn't seem too concerned about the extra precaution. It's not like it'd actually do much against a concentrated effort, but if it made the princess feel more safe then it served a positive purpose. She stepped inside and let Katarina lock the door again before she leaned in to give her non-masked cheek a little peck.

"You got your comfy clothes ready? I take my movie snuggling very seriously, you need to be properly equipped."

[Katarina Karkov]

"I am sure I can put something together that will meet your approval," Katarina said, visibly relaxing with Jez around. "I only hope I can live up to your lofty standards."

[Jezabelle Sherlock]

Jez looked down at herself, and then back at Katarina. "... does this look lofty to you?" She asked as she gestured to her ensemble.

[Katarina Karkov]

"I can think of nothing I'd rather be looking at right now," Katarina said, seriously. Then she smiled. "Well, almost nothing."

[Jezabelle Sherlock]

Jez flushed just a little bit. "Someone's being a bit cheeky today. If you're a good girl you might just get what you're wishing for. But not until after the movie, otherwise you'll be too distracted." She gave Katarina's nose a gentle boop.

"Lets get you comfy and in bed, and I'll order the pizza." A second version of herself stepped out of the first and took out her phone, tapping on it as she looked for places in Maldon that'd deliver to the university.

[Katarina Karkov]

"A movie sounds wonderful. What shall we watch?"

Katarina drummed her fingers on her dresser as they spoke, burning off a little more nervous energy. Was there such a thing as trying to be aggressively casual?

[Jezabelle Sherlock]

"I thought you might appreciate a comedy, so I thought we could watch Coming to America. Have you ever seen it?" The girl let herself fall onto Katarina's bed, watching the princess as she fidgeted. Something was definitely up, but now might not be the best time to ask what. It seemed like she wanted a distraction first.

The Jez with the phone moved for the door, apparently intending to wait downstairs to receive their food.

[Katarina Karkov]

"I haven't, no. What is it about?" Katarina said, as she walked over to join Jez #1 on the bed, awkwardly shifting from side to side as she continued to fidgit.

"And hurry back soon," she added, after a second's thought, to the other Jez -- she wasn't always on top of treating the Jezii as multiple parts of the same person, but she was giving it a good college try.

[Jezabelle Sherlock]

"Well, I couuuuuuuld tell you. But it might be more fun for me to watch you go into it totally blind. But I'll give you some hints; Late 80s, Eddie Murphy, and... oooh any more than that and I'm straying into spoiler territory."

Jez's sneakers hit the floor with dull thuds as she began to tap on the tablet, bringing up the movie she intended to stream. She pulled her legs closer and used her thighs as a makeshift-prop to hold the tablet up, freeing her hands to start digging around in that baggie for something to snack on.

"Don't worry, she'll be back soon." Jez usually talked about her selves as if they were actually others, it put people more at ease that way. "It's just faster if she waits downstairs and brings the pizza up as soon as it gets here, rather than waiting for a text. But until then, we've got a few alternatives." From the bag the girl had produced a few snacking options, one being a bag of butter-flavoured popcorn, another a popcorn with mini meringues and dried strawberry pieces, and a sharing bag of almond M&Ms, the latter of which she got into almost before she snuck her other arm around the princess' shoulders.

[Katarina Karkov]

Katarina pulled herself in towards Jez, though she still awkwardly kept the side of her face with the mask a bit away from her.

"I shall have to tip her well when she gets back, then," she joked, reaching for the fancier popcorn.

[Jezabelle Sherlock]

"There's a 'just the tip' joke in there somewhere, but I'm gonna leave it be." Jez reached a hand to gently stroke Katarina's hair away from her face.

"You know, if you wanna talk..., we can talk. About anything."

[Katarina Karkov]

"It is....alright, Jezebelle," Katarina said, not remotely convincingly.

"I just had to...deal with Nika today. I was not expecting her, and it went....well, it happened, and it is over."

[Jezabelle Sherlock]

Jez let out a slow and deep sigh. It was inevitable, and whether it had become a violent shouting match (or worse) or not, there was now the aftermath to deal with. Something that had been a long time coming.

"I... can't even begin to understand what you must be feeling right now. So many conflicting, frustrating emotions. I'm sorry. But I'll do for you what I can. If you need to vent, I'll listen. If you want advice, I'll offer it. I... can't guarantee it'll be good, but I'll offer it all the same. If you want to try and distract yourself from it, I'll do my best. And if you need a shoulder to cry on - I have plenty of those to spare."

[Katarina Karkov]

"I...

I do not know what I want. I believe I just need to think I have done the right thing so far; that I've made the right choices. To be here, with you.

Because if this was the right choice, then maybe I can continue to make good choices in the future. And then maybe I can fix things."

Katarina sighed and leaned into Jez.

[Jezabelle Sherlock]

"Future-sight is a power a lot of us wish we had. Knowing you, I'm sure you probably made the right decision." She continued to gently stroke Katarina's hair, doing her best to comfort the girl.

[Katarina Karkov]

"It feels like that when I am busy. Or when I am with you. Or when I am busy with you," Katarina sighed. "It feels right, then."

"It is when I am alone, or have to think about...what to do next...that I worry."

[Jezabelle Sherlock]

"Well, you can't put off thinking about it forever, but it also shouldn't be constantly on your mind. I'm happy to be a distraction, and maybe while you're distracted some answers will come."

The two of them weren't too far into the movie before the missing Jez returned with a pizza box in hand, wordlessly putting the box on the girl's dresser and starting to put it onto some supplied paper plates before placing them on the girls' laps. Some of the ingredients Katarina would likely recognize - onions, black olives, cherry tomatoes, but some other stuff seemed odd. Like some kind of shredded meat, what looked like dandelion leaves, and... was that corn? Well there was meat and veggies on it, that was for certain.