[Relationship] No One Mourns

[Samantha McManus]

Sam comes into the suite with a frustrated huff.

"Honestly, I'm starting to find having to go to class after what we get up to deeply unfair."

[Miriam Bell]

"Nobody forced you to." Miriam points out from the couch. Since the teams return from the void Miriam has been weird. The more open version of her that had come out of the time-loop seemingly receding when Sam comes near. And it's easy enough for the telepath to tell that it is in fact her and not a general change. Miriam had been the one to forge Will into their protective vessel and it was blatant she'd used her own emotional walls to do so. To keep them safe. And they would have failed if others hadn't stepped up. It's unclear if Miriam blames her own cowardice or is resentful of Sam for once again being the savior stepping into the breach because she's kept her mind clad in steel, but even without telepathy Sam knows Miriam well enough. Well enough to probably be fed up with her moping disguised as general bitchiness.

[Samantha McManus]

"The going to class bit or the engaging in highly dangerous nonsense part?" Sam asks, quirking a brow as she heads over to the couch.

[Miriam Bell]

"The non-sense. But I guess as long as we do one or the other they'll probably let us hang around." she mutters and puts down her book to turn and look at Sam.

[Samantha McManus]

"I think the nonsense tends to find us whether we go after it or not," she says pointedly as she sits down next to Miriam.

[Miriam Bell]

"And you'd think that'd be plenty without looking for more of it by jumping into bottomless pits in reality..."

[Samantha McManus]

"Is that what all this has been about?"

[Miriam Bell]

"No. I love watching people disappear and handing them their coat on the way out. It's my favorite thing in the world, especially when they come back blown to shit and with an adult child in tow. Which, by the way, how does that happen? Because somehow I've seen it twice now!" That was not where Miriam had thought that sentence was going but somehow she ended up leading herself there.

[Samantha McManus]

"Did you want to go with us? Because that isn't the bloody impression you were giving at the time."

[Miriam Bell]

"Fuck no! I can barely keep mindscapes from manifesting around me as it is, I probably wouldn't have made it five minutes in there before dragging everyone into a hell of my own making." she snaps, pointedly avoiding the obvious question of what all this has, in fact, been about.

[Samantha McManus]

"You helped where you could. We were out of our depth. Metaphorically. Physically. It was still the right call because otherwise she would've just kept sending them."

[Miriam Bell]

"God can you stop being responsible for the world for a second? Yeah, I get it, I was there when those things tried to fuck us sideways. Doesn't mean I have to like it it when people throw themselves at it..."

[Samantha McManus]

"I guess I'd just... well, I hoped you'd be relieved."

"But that's not what it feels like, is it? It's not that this specific thing won't bother us anymore."

[Miriam Bell]

"I am." she starts. "Relieved I mean. And next month it'll be something else, whatever. I've caused enough problems myself that I can't even be mad about people trying to fix things. I'm just..." Miriam almost throws her arms into the air in frustration but catches herself at the last second, instead just awkwardly sitting up and turning the aborted movement into straightening herself on the couch. She trails off, at a loss for words. But her mental walls are buckling and behind them is a whole mess of emotions. Worry that seems to have soured into a weird kind of jealousy.

[Samantha McManus]

"It's that there's always going to be something we're going to be rushing off to."

"Isn't it?"

[Miriam Bell]

"Something, someone. And even when that's me I feel like a burden. A problem to be solved." she grinds out bitterly, fingernails digging into her palms. She absolutely does not want to talk about this. It just turns into that exact scenario of 'Dealing With Miriam'. "Story of my bloody life."

[Samantha McManus]

"Look, I didn't... I didn't dive into the bloody underworld because I thought you were a good fixer-upper, Miriam."

"I did it because I do want you around."

[Miriam Bell]

"Isn't that just... what you do? Save people, drag them from death's door, get into a wrestling match with the forces of the universe..."

[Samantha McManus]

"I mean, I like a challenge and all but some are more worth it than others, aye?"

[Miriam Bell]

"I bet you tell that to all the girls you pull from oblivion." she says, finding her smug tone and with it more familiar footing.

[Samantha McManus]

"You like it a bit better if you're Mount Miriam to scale and not just somebody's problem, huh?"

[Miriam Bell]

"I've been somebody's problem all my life, Sam." she says, turning fully to sit sideways on the couch, arm draped over the backrest. "You were at Muir because they had to help you get well enough to go home. I was there because I had nowhere else. With you they had something to mend so you could learn how to be around people, go home. For me they just had pity. You were... aspirational." she fans out her hands for emphasis. "I was a problem. Sure they were nice enough pretend otherwise but they were just people too and especially back then there was no hiding those kind of thoughts from me."

"So yeah... that." she begrudgingly admits. It's easy to forget that for all the hero complexing Miriam sees in Sam, the red-head is more insightful than she gives her credit for. Bloody telepaths.

[Samantha McManus]

"Now I know you hate my bloody metaphors, but let's just take this one further."

"I don't want to fix you. Is it okay if I just... enjoy the climb? Are you willing to accept that I think it's worth braving the risk of an avalanche because there's a great view at the top?"

[Miriam Bell]

"You keep this up and there'll be an actual mountain." she mutters, though Sam can tell it's at least a little bit to bury the fact her voice has gotten a little softer.

[Samantha McManus]

"Aye well, seems I've got a type. I like weird, difficult, sometimes dangerous girls."

"But that's not everything this is about, is it?"

[Miriam Bell]

"Yeah but I'm not sure you are done processing that one. At least Will knew he had a kid bouncing around out there and she wasn't obliviously working in the cafeteria all year."

[Samantha McManus]

"I'm not the Morrigan she came from, though."

[Miriam Bell]

"Oh well I guess that won't affect you at all then. Just like that gremlin version of you never causes any problems or occupies space in your head."

[Samantha McManus]

"Look, I'm... I'm aware that all the other versions of me are horrible, an unattainable ideal, or sometimes both. And I've got a few centuries of baggage that I stumble on more often than not. I get that."

[Miriam Bell]

"Hey look, I'll be the first to admit that maybe sometimes ignoring a problem isn't the worst idea in the world but if you do then you should be aware I will lord it over you until I get bored of it."

[Samantha McManus]

"I'm not going to ignore her, Miriam. I'm just... well, I'm not her mother. Not really, not even figuratively."

"I mean, weren't you just trying to tell me I shouldn't try to shoulder everything?"

[Miriam Bell]

"Yes, but I also know you and you tend to not leave things well enough alone anyway."

[Samantha McManus]

"You know, worrying about me isn't very on-brand for Mount Miriam," she says as a goofy grin spreads across her face.

[Miriam Bell]

"Well apparently left to your own devices you end up dispatching eldritch abominations that trap me in time-loops on top of my mountain or flood cities so I suppose for the sake of the universe I have to care now."

[Samantha McManus]

"I'll be less smug, it just hit me for a moment there," she chuckles.

[Miriam Bell]

"No, I don't think you will be. Because you're kind of a brat sometimes. I've seen enough to know that your hair's not just red because it was before you had a say in it. Precarious balance or not, one of you is definitely the one more used to calling the shots." she says, reaching out to place the tip of her finger against Sam's forehead.

[Samantha McManus]

"That a complaint, or just an observation?"

[Miriam Bell]

Miriam laughs, still kind of a low, barking kind but there's some genuine mirth buried in there somewhere. "Just an observation. I don't think I'd like you nearly as much if the doormat was in charge."

[Samantha McManus]

"I don't know, you tend to like to be the one in charge, aye?"

[Miriam Bell]

"Oh we're having this conversation now, are we?" she smirks though she's at least in part trying to cover up no small amount of uncertainty by doing so. "I don't know, I guess just because something is easy doesn't mean it's good? Nobody prides themselves on taming a pony..."