[Drama] The Savage Self

[Leo Eskandari]

Having made an appointment, Leo knocked on Dr. Terrence's office door and waited anxiously.

[Melissa Terrance]

"Come in, Leo," said Doctor Terrance, the door opening 'on its own'.

[Leo Eskandari]

The big guy was momentarily perplexed until he once again remembered where he was. As he entered, his anxiety didn't take a telepath to notice even with his inhuman face.

[Melissa Terrance]

Professor Terrance turns to face him, smiling at him. "Have a seat. You said you wanted to talk to me?"

[Leo Eskandari]

He took a seat and took a breath to relax.

"Yeah. A friend finally got it through my thick head that I could use some help processin' all of what's happened to me over the last year."

[Melissa Terrance]

Melissa nods, "You have had quite the traumatic time. It can be a lot to process and I'm certain there are times when it feels overwhelming."

[Leo Eskandari]

He nodded in agreement. "It's the worst when my instincts get riled up."

[Melissa Terrance]

"Not used to your instincts being so loud?"

[Leo Eskandari]

"Or havin' ones that aren't human."

[Melissa Terrance]

"So which ones have been bothering you most lately?"

[Leo Eskandari]

"The other day, in the new Power Training class, I... I lost control. I was like a wild animal and if... if it had been real, then..." he answered, clearly still disturbed by the event and reluctant to finish the thought in front of someone in a position of power.

[Melissa Terrance]

"I see," Melissa says softly, "So let's talk about that. What was going on in the training session before you lost control?"

[Leo Eskandari]

He described how the smell of blood had excited him and how during the fight with men with shock sticks he had started flashing back to his treatment at the zoo facility.

[Melissa Terrance]

Melissa listened quietly, not saying anything until he seemed done. "Under the circumstances, your reaction is understandable and I'm sure no one at the university would fault you for it. For starters, I'll have a conversation with the headmaster about the selection of encounters for your training sessions. While eventually, we'd like you to be able to handle those situations appropriately, I think it's a little early to be putting you in that position." She pauses for a moment, "During your initial interviews after you enrolled at the school, you indicated that it felt like your instincts had voices of their own, is that more or less correct?"

[Leo Eskandari]

"It was. But I couldn't accept that they were part of me. After I did that, the voices quieted down. Not gone, just less vocal and more... feelings."

[Melissa Terrance]

"A lot of our shapeshifter, especially the shapeshifters with animal forms, experience something similar. It's one of the ways the brain copes with the changes that causes. Sometimes, it can be easier to address them as they are, so long as you never forget that they're a part of who you are."

[Leo Eskandari]

"Don't you mean what I am?"

[Melissa Terrance]

"No," she says, "I don't think of this as a 'what'. You're still Leo Eskandari. Some of your responses are elevated beyond what hey might have been previous to your ordeal, but denying their place in your make-up can actually make it more difficult to deal with them."

[Leo Eskandari]

"That makes it sound like part of me always wanted to literally tear people apart. Sure I've been in fights, even started a few, but that's not the same."

[Melissa Terrance]

"That's not what I'm saying." She makes some notes, "Let's step back for a moment. I understand your inclination to treat what happened to you as making you something else entirely, to focus on the 'what'."

[Leo Eskandari]

"Look, I know I'm still me. But you can't honestly say 'what' I am hasn't changed. They changed my DNA."

[Melissa Terrance]

"Like everyone else here, you now have some, potentially extreme, ways to push back when the world hurts. Part of what we can do, is help you learn to catch those reactions and cope with them."

[Leo Eskandari]

"I don't think I'm doing too well at either of those."

[Melissa Terrance]

"After what you've been through, I don't think anyone would expect you to, or at least they shouldn't."

[Leo Eskandari]

"All I know to do is work on accepting these new urges as part of me."

[Melissa Terrance]

"We'll work on that and this is a safe place to do that."

[Leo Eskandari]

"How exactly do we work on that?"

[Melissa Terrance]

"There's a variety of techniques that we can try. WE may try several before we find the one that works for you." She reaches into her desk and pulls out a couple of stapled small stacks of paper, "Based on what I've read in your file, we'll start with some work on identifying the things that trigger those responses so we can recognize them and learn to redirect those triggers to other responses. I hate to give students extra homework, but to get us started, you should fill these out. The first one will help us identify fears and associated situations. The second one helps us identify beliefs, personality traits, and the like. The two together will give us a better picture of where we need to work. They're just the agree-disagree scale questions. No wrong answers, just answer as honestly as you can. Is there anyone I can talk to, like your friend who convinced you to come here? The better picture I can get of you will help me help you in a more precise manner."

[Leo Eskandari]

"Ainsley Green. He understands me the best of anyone here. And maybe Samantha McManus. We talked a good bit at Muir."

[Melissa Terrance]

"Well, with your permission then, I'll speak with them. Sometimes those outside of us can see things we can't."

[Leo Eskandari]

"Yeah. I don't mind. Anything that'll help," he answered. He was feeling more confident about having come to he, paperwork and all."

[Melissa Terrance]

"This is a process we'll be working through. There will be setbacks. It happens and we'll work through them. I live on campus, so if you ever really need to talk and it's not during office hours, you can buzz my flat from the reception area."

[Leo Eskandari]

He nodded. "I'm... glad I let myself get talked into coming."

[Melissa Terrance]

"I'm glad you did too. I'm looking forward to working with you."