Xaviers!

(Sept 23rd)

The next day after the insanity in the bathroom, Emilie made her way into the gym to replace the thing she'd 'borrowed' nearly the entire weekend. No one would have missed it, unless Trev was just itchin' to play some ball over the course of the event anyways.

Sam is already in the gym, regarding a punching bag. Though she's dressed for a workout, regarding seems to be all she's doing at the moment, going over something in her head.

Shit. She wasn't expecting anyone capable of telepathy to be in here. Play it cool, she won't even know it was gone for a few days if you don't engage her about it.

Emilie moved swiftly to the equipment cage to put the ball-bat back where she'd found it.

"...hey there," Sam says, not turning around. "Emilie, right?"

"Maybe." Emilie answers as if giving her name is somehow going to incriminate her. In usual Emilie fashion, she instead switches the topic to what Sam is doing.

"Got a hate on for that punching bag or jus' never used it before?"

"This is going to sound weird but..."

"...just trying to figure something out."

"... About the punching bag?" She countered.

"Well no, not really."

"Just sometimes I get in a kind of zone where I don't hesitate about things like this."

"What you mean like this?" Emilie said, then proceeded to run up and hit the bag without flinching, careful to hit it from the side so when it swung back it was at herself and not Sam.

Sam tenses at the sudden movement, immediately falling into a fighting stance.

Then, a few breaths later, she manages to relax.

"...something like that."

Emilie does flinch at Sam's reaction. "Dude, does that have anything with the pacifism towards objects meant to be bludgeoned?"

"No, no, you just... startled me, aye?"

Emilie responded with a big toothy grin. Generally speaking it's not what one would expect when one tells someone they were startled.

"Oh good, I haven't lost my touch then.

Seriously though, when you have to hit, you shouldn't hesitate. You just do it man."

"I know, it's just pretty unreliable, whether I can do it or not. I'll need to be able to just slip into that and not flake, you know?"

"Ooooh. You mean Madness." She smirks, and nods knowingly. In truth, from what she could remember Samantha referred to it as something else but Emilie couldn't just remember what name Samantha had given her Madness.

" I know how."

"What? No, I'm not crazy. It's just something I do."

"And it's pretty new to me."

"Pfft." Emilie responded dismissively.

"Everyone is crazy Samantha. Anyone who tells you that they are sane is only saying that because they are hiding something."

Emilie flopped unceremoniously on the ground below the bag. Sam had a keen opportunity to 'accidentally' hit her in the face with it if the other female got too lippy for her taste.

"So, what, you go into a trance like state where you become the Hulk and you don't like it?"

"It's not like that, really. I guess saying that I don't like it is... not always true."

"But I can't do it on demand, so it's kind of inconvenient the way it is now."

"Ahhhh. So you want to channel M-" She paused, apparently that word was a touchy subject with this Sam.

"-the rage within."

"Why are all the things you're calling this so... melodramatic?"

"Cuz it sounds cooler than 'I don't know how to be the right level of aggressive or control myself'?"

"So I guess you've got issues like this too?"

" Yea. 'Cept I figured out how to get a handle on it. Dun think you'll like my advice tho." She replied, thinking that if she suggested any of the things she used to do when she was younger to cope to Sam, she'd probably never talk to her again or possibly report her to authorities. The first didn't bother her, but the second could be troublesome.

"Listen, we all got problems like that. Maybe not with anger, but with something. Maybe it's fear, or maybe it's we're not very bright people. Or maybe we're not the hottest piece of ass on campus and it gives us anxiety issues. Who knows, there's lots of things people struggle with.

But the important part isn't that it happens or is happening. The important part is to recognize that our weaknesses are a part of us. One cannot have light without dark.

When we can appreciate that fully, that's when we can turn our weaknesses into strengths. Into tools for practical application."

"Just accepting it isn't very novel advice."

"Sometimes, things are worn out for a reason." Emilie sighed. " What were you expecting me to say? 'Here's a guidebook on how to make your angry face really convincing at will'?"

"No, I guess I wasn't. Sometimes you're just hoping someone will tell you something different, aye?"

"Yea...." Emilie furrowed her brow.

"Can I say something else?"

"...not like I'd stop you."

"Well.... You said that there's times when you 'wouldn't hesitate to do something like this'.

Maybe that's the problem right there. Part of accepting things is knowing you're in charge. Maybe you're looking at this like a pit bull that you point at someone and pray it doesn't turn on you, when you should be looking at it like a hunting dog and establishing a survival bond with it.

Sure, you know the dog could be vicious, obviously. And you know the dog could do something foolish like run out into the woods to do God knows what until you can rein it back in again." The metaphor was not meant to be so very obvious, because Emilie didn't know that is exactly what Badb Catha had done.

"But that is the thing, you have the reins. You need to let it know who the fucking boss is man. Establish dominance. Make it aware that you're the one holding it's leash and keeping it's muzzle on it. And if it's very good indeed, you might let it come along on the hunt with you and draw some blood."

Emilie then decided to add a bit more personal information. " That's what I do. When I couldn't take it anymore the other day, I went into the Danger Room and let it out on some imaginary Doom Bots. That's why I had the ball bat, to use on the bots so I didn't hurt myself. Sometimes if I hit hard enough even with my shield, I still get bruises... I wanted to smash as much shit as I could without any evidence of what'd I'd been up to.

But then I kept it after the Doom Bot scenario because Victor was beat up by a leprechaun and I didn't feel safe without a weapon.

Don't tell nobody."

Why did she just share that? Who fucking knows. She sure didn't once she had.

"I think it's just... I didn't know there was a dog, aye?"

"So I guess we're both kind of... unlikely candidates for berserker fury."

"Well now you do. So make the doggy your friend. Doggies like friends. I think. I dunno I am more of a cat person." She laughed.

"Oh I got reasons, they're just not easy to explain. But I bet you're the same eh?" Emilie knew it, actually.

"Reasons I'm still trying to make not sound crazy, aye."

"Dude! What did I just say about that? Stop trying to normalize shit, it's impossible. Trust me, I've tried.

Normal is an illusion. What is normal to the spider is chaos to the fly." I sound smart as hell right now.

"Aye, but you're still hiding it too, aren't you?"

"I'm not sharing, but I'm also not trying to make myself normal either. Cuz I ain't." She laughed. " I will fully admit I am a fucked up mess."

"I guess I just don't know what it says about me that I've got that lurking inside."

"That you are as common as you wish to be." Emilie stated. She had never been around a Sam at this early of her issues, but she kept her thoughts as to whether that was a good or bad thing deep down in her psyche where Sam would have to dig at them.

"You've got kind of a fortune cookie thing going on, you know that?"

"Yea I know. It's taken me years to cultivate my Zen-crypticism. It's the best thing I got goin' for me." she laughed.

"Aye, but it just kind of hit me. You know, that thing they say about fortune cookie slips."

"You are as common as you wish to be... in bed."