by Miriam Bell » Tue Jan 19, 2016 6:49 pm
Miriam is on her way to the small restaurant/pub in Maldon where she's agreed to 'have it out' with Sam. She'd considered just doing it in her dorm and tell Haley to bugger off for a while but that really didn't seem worth it. She could just ask her roommate but that leaves the possibility of her saying no. This was much simpler. Or so Miriam thought. She'd headed for the pub way ahead of time just so she'd have some time to sort her thoughts (and have some food) but that, as it turns out, was a mistake. She doesn't really want to be here and that colors her perception as her mind wanders, flitting across those of the other patrons without even really being consciously aware of it. Even those in better moods always have bad memories hiding in the crevasses of their minds and keeping all of it at bay is almost like holding her breath at times. She can hold it off for a while but eventually she has to relent and just let her mind unfold...
That time he broke up with his highschool-sweetheart. The moment she realized those awful muties were not going to stay in their little town. The loss of his grandparents. Money troubles. Suppressed sexuality. Deceptions. Without fail Miriam's power zeroes in on all the little failures and all the deep, dark thoughts. And she can't help but trace along them with her mental fingers. It's unsettling how strangely comforting the familiarity is, even if it's just relief from letting her shields down. That time she imagined taking the letter opener and just stabbing his boss. That moment when he got close to just taking the kids and walking out the door. That urge to teeter on the edge and just take the plunge. That nagging curiosity about just how it'd feel to just...
Everything swirls around her in an almost palpable cloud for her to wallow in and it's welcoming in it's rawness. No filters, no pretentiousness, no little lies to soothe oneself. She's well aware she's guilty of the same, but down here in this pit she's the only one with a torch to shine light on all the things hiding in the darkness. She'd only meant to give her mental shields some rest but it's so easy to just drift through this, knowing that when it comes down to it, she can close her fist around all of this, that she's in control. And that if she wanted to she could make it all go away. Make their lives better. Spare them the kind of weight she feels she carries around all the time. She's had all the lectures. Several times. Legal, philosophical, moral. Don't do it. It's wrong. Who gives you the right...
Entering the pub almost causes Sam emotional whiplash, so thick is the atmosphere of sorrow and misery inside. All the people inside are sitting or standing still, staring at nothing with glassy eyes, ephemeral pieces of fabric wrapped around their waist or leg or wrist on the astral plane, all merging together into the robes of Miriam's avatar, hovering over where she's sitting, distracted but conscious.