I2DT - Wine For Two

[Miriam Bell]

"N-no, it's fine. I'm great. It's not like there's something lurking in my head, right?" she laughs nervously. "This is all me, nothing got out of any boxes that shouldn't have, it's all fine!"

[Samantha McManus]

"Something's really got you spooked," she says, stating the obvious.

[Miriam Bell]

"I'll just... I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick." she says, fumbling to set her glass straight again before hurrying off towards the ladies' room.

[Samantha McManus]

"...alright, have it your way." Sam sighs, sitting back down.

[Miriam Bell]

It takes her quite a while to come back, to the point that Sam might begin to suspect she just bailed completely, but after almost ten minutes she walks back to the table, her face bereft of make-up and the fringes of her hair slightly wet from having splashed water in her face a couple time. She looks like she's calmed down a little but still seems pretty shaken up.

[Samantha McManus]

"I was starting to wonder if I'd wind up washing dishes to pay for this bottle," she jokes weakly.

[Miriam Bell]

"I thought Id already shown you how to get free wine." she gladly takes the chance for an equally bad joke that avoids the previous topic.

[Samantha McManus]

"Look, if you ever... if you ever want to talk like... not here, I'm game."

"But I'm also game for seeing if we can find the bottom of this bottle, tonight."

[Miriam Bell]

"How about we just... find somewhere else to go?" she says, grabbing the bottle from the table and tilting her head towards the door.

[Samantha McManus]

"Wherever you like," she says genuinely as she gets up.

[Miriam Bell]

Miriam heads for the exit with Sam when the waiter walks up to them. Before he can say anything Miriam pierces through him with a cold stare as well as her thoughts. "I already paid and left a generous tip." she 'reminds' him, heading out the door without waiting for a reaction. For a while she just quietly walks alongside Sam through the streets of Maldon, occasionally taking a sip from the bottle of wine before passing it to her. The atmosphere is a little melancholic from what little Miriam's letting slip past her mental shields but at least she's not withdrawing completely while she works through whatever it is that's weighing on her mind, but she seems strangely at home in the dark streets between the occasional light shining from the windows of other peoples' homes. After a while they reach the little tourist part of the harbor and Miriam stops, staring out at the dark water that's quietly splashing against the wall of the stone dock.

"It's so exhausting, Sam... To keep wading through all these things washing over me from other people. Sometimes I'm so soaked, I don't know who I am anymore or how long it'll take until it'll erode me away. Or if it's already happening. Everyday I have to second guess my feelings... Is it me who doesn't want to go to class? Am I feeling jealous of someone? Do I care about someone or is that not even me? Sometimes I can't feel any solid ground under my feet anymore and I'm scared that what I think is me has already taken on things from elsewhere..." she says, taking a long drink from what remains of the bottle of wine.

"Other telepaths are easier. Until their green-haired friend starts to care about them. At least with Trinity I knew for certain those feelings were mine... I mean what else was I supposed to do but push you away? But you just couldn't leave me alone, could you..." she goes on, steadfastly staring straight ahead across the sea, clutching the bottle in her shaking hand.

[Samantha McManus]

"What kind of person would I be if I ignored that you're hurting?"

[Miriam Bell]

"It'd be much easier to convince myself to hate you if you just acted like a utter tart." she jokes weakly.

[Samantha McManus]

"...look, we can both admit that we're... a bit messed up, aye?"

"We're neither of us good with big crowds. I know what that's like, and apparently I messed myself up worse trying to get a handle on that. It's... okay to be what we are. We can get better at it."

[Miriam Bell]

"I've had eight years to get better at it and I can't even tell if..." she trails of and shakes her head.

[Samantha McManus]

"Miriam, if we can't see a light at the end of the tunnel, then... then what's the point?"

[Miriam Bell]

"This is why you should stay away from me... All I do is try to tear down your optimism. Because there's no 'point' to anything. I learned that lesson early."

[Samantha McManus]

"You're doing it again, you know."

[Miriam Bell]

"Look, you don't need to save me to prove that there's hope for you..."

[Samantha McManus]

"And you don't need to deflect from what you're really afraid of."

[Miriam Bell]

"I'm not. I'm scared I'm already not myself anymore. How would I even know?"

[Samantha McManus]

"This isn't something that just happened. You've had the two masks the whole time I've seen you here."

[Miriam Bell]

"Great... just fantastic..." she sighs, trying to take another sip from the bottle and letting her arm fall back down when she realizes it's empty.

[Samantha McManus]

"Well that means... you're not slipping, aye?"

[Miriam Bell]

"Or maybe I was just broken from the get go." she sighs and sits down on the edge of the dock, twirling the empty bottle between her fingers.

"And I'm not about to give up. Even I'm not that pathetic. In a way I'm even comfortable in my melancholy. I'm just scared that if I try to stand in the light with others that the draw of it will make me slip. I tried to make friends in Muir. Literally. I made people like me." she chuckles almost a bit desperately. "I think it's because I can't stand the idea of seeing something in others that'll cave in on me. I've seen the worst of what I could be in Will. And you..." she shakes her head and throws the empty bottle into the harbor's water where it disappears for a moment before bobbing back to the surface. "I don't even know why you put up with me, even when I try to push you away. It'd be so much simpler if I was just making you..."

[Samantha McManus]

"So you still think what's in that box is... us somehow."

"And I don't know, I just... you and Tereza know what it was like at Muir. Not that they were horrible to us or anything, but..."

"...I never got to go to the fancy school across the pond. I was too weird for that."

[Miriam Bell]

"I don't know if it's us or what is going on there. All I know is that I've seen it."

"And... I guess there's some solidarity to Muir." she sighs, not really seeming happy with that answer. Who knows what she was expecting or hoping to hear.

[Samantha McManus]

"And I guess I just... don't think anyone should get written off. It's not what I'd want."

[Miriam Bell]

"Oh good. Pity." she laughs awkwardly. "Guess I'll take it. Thanks Sam..."

[Samantha McManus]

"Why do you always think it's pity?"

[Miriam Bell]

"Why else would... I mean...that's what you do when you help someone. You take pity on their inability to do something themselves..."

[Samantha McManus]

"That's just... that's a bloody awful way to think about it, Miriam."

"If... if I tried to only rely on myself, I'd be in the madhouse by now. I don't even know what self-help looks like for people like us."

[Miriam Bell]

"I realize there's things I can't do myself. I'm not an idiot. But if someone doesn't ask you for help..." she says, trailing off into a vague shrug. "It's not that I don't want it..."

[Samantha McManus]

"...well we both know that people don't often say what they really want."

[Miriam Bell]

"That's because people don't really know what they want. Or if they really want something. Or... yeah..."

[Samantha McManus]

"Oh of course, we're above such things." She snorts.

[Miriam Bell]

"Of course we're not. If anything we're worse about it."

[Samantha McManus]

"My point exactly. Besides, you've bloody well helped me."

[Miriam Bell]

"All I did was poke at your neuroses, really..."

[Samantha McManus]

"Sort of thing that could've cost you a few fingers," she smirks.