by Will Stanton » Wed Mar 03, 2021 7:59 am
Will nodded. "Yes, of course," he said, scratching his chin, before going into a businesslike description of the past couple of months.
"...And so, the end result of experimenting with the MGH was a chaotic and unpredictable expansion of self, if you would. The thoughts crowding in, piling on top of one another. It was..." he paused, for a moment, looking out over the woods around campus.
"I used to ache, you know. Every day. Every moment." His fingers tightened around his wrist, his nails digging slightly in and leaving faint impressions in the skin. "It was as if something was inside of me. Crowding me out and crushing me. Too much wine in too small a bottle, always threatening to overflow. Kudzu of...of the soul, if you excuse the metaphor. And I had been dealing with it for so long; I didn't even know it anymore. The pain was ubiquitous, a constant background soundtrack to life. The MGH helped, at first -- it grew the bottle. But that just meant more wine, and when the bottle returned to it's original size, I found myself drowning. I looked for release elsewhere, to simplify, to reduce, to stop. Finally, it was Miriam and the Morrigan who found a solution. They've encased me in a sort of...dimensional peace. An externally enforced calm and quiet."
"It's...fuzzy in there, I suppose I'd say. Peculiar, though not worrisome. And I find myself not turning things over anymore. Not calculating. Not worried, or trapped, or haunted by nightmares I've no desire to recall. I'm simply...stopped."
He smiled, a little abashedly. "Some people go to the spa. Some people read a book. Some people return to nature, or exercise, or smoke a joint or whatever. I have tried those; they are quick-fixes at best. Some of us simply need the stress of decision-making removed, at least now and again. I haven't the faintest if this is a permanent solution, or if it's even a solution at all. For now, at least, I feel..." he trailed off, trying and failing to find the right words.