by Colette Rosenhof » Tue Apr 05, 2022 2:45 am
"I am an emotional person, Basil. In many situations, too emotional. I am aware of zis, and I do my best to, ehn, reign zem in, but I am not always successful. Zere are times when I realize zat zings are going too far even as zey are happening and I find myself unable to stop zem, like a runaway locomotive. When I 'storm off' -" Colette made air quotes with her fingers. "It is not because I no longer wish for your company, or am trying to win ze argument. It is because I know zat my feelings are taking priority over my zoughts, and zat if I continue to put myself in zat situation, zings will spiral furzer out of control. It is to give me time to collect myself, to calm myself, and to let my brain overtake my tongue. So zat I can give you a chance to explain yourself and actually listen to what you have to say. I am removing myself from ze situation, temporarily, until I can be a better person. I am essentially putting myself in time out until I am able to communicate properly. Zis may be ze wrong zing to do, it seems to be as it has hurt you so.
"And it is me zat I put in time out, not you. I do not know what has happened to you, or how you were treated in ze past, zat would lead you to zink zat. I do not recall ever telling you zat I did not wish to see or talk to you, zough I cannot say for one hundred percent certainty zat I did not find myself in a situation zat so overwhelmed me zat I felt no means of escape and said such awful zings."
She put her face in her hands again, feeling very tired.
"You have had previous relationships. Not all of zem have been healzy. And perhaps zis one is not healzy eizer. Maybe I am as awful as I sometimes feel I am. But you have an advantage over me in zese matters. You have ze benefit of experience. Whezer good or bad, you have had relationships before. I have not. Zis is all still very new to me even after all of zis time. Zat does not excuse ze zings I have said, or done, but it may help to offer at least some insight into zem."